He said Life’s short and you’ll die sooner than you think. True. That woke me up. Then she said All the hard-work is not for this world, our whole life is worship and nothing we ever do is in vain. She gave me the push and a new look. She raised me up.
But I walked out of the house and they followed me. The fears. The struggles. Past mistakes. They came to me and made faces. Chuckled at me. Sneered. They tore my heart apart. They stabbed me continuously and laughed at my attempts to better myself. They snatched me of my possessions and ran away. They trampled on me, called me a joke and scattered the pieces of my already broken heart.
I think they hate me.
I hear it in how they talk to me nowadays. I feel it in how they stare at me. In how they make a turn on the road when they see me approaching. In how they are quick to shoot down my opinions and mock my character. I smell it in their conversations. In their hysterical bangs. In their harsh tones. And in many other ways. Writing it down is difficult. Writing it down is hurting myself. But I need to get it out of my system.
This is when I need you here my friend. In moments like this. In times like now.
Where are you my dear? You always knew the song that corresponded to the mood. And you sang with me. Remember? Then you would stand me up and tell me We are going for a walk. We will walk this mood away. We will create better feelings. We will be constructive. And there’d be no way I’d say no to a walk with you. I miss you.
At least I had you then. Now I am all alone. Totally alone. And it is such a big world. In fact, I feel think I’m already lost. Though the keyboard feels familiar. I can type the words in the 1AM silence, the darkness of my room and with my eyes shut. The words are not in my hands. They’re somewhere. I don’t know. And they are just dripping softly and gently like syrup, mending my heart and soothing my spirit. I need you, my muse, to help me find the words.
I need you to help me escape this world. I need you to help me find my home.
I fear going outside. They will do it to me again.
I am a star. Taken straight from the heavens and I have a deep desire for something more than the daily life. I demand more from everything; friendships, lectures, science, understanding, rainbows, waterfalls, sunsets. I want to be in touch with the deep. But the reality we live in depresses me. That’s why I need fantasy. And a similar mind.
He (them). I don’t know him (them) well, but I have read all his (their) essays and they push me forward.
She. She is wonderful and special, and her words wake me up. I’ll run to her every time I am stuck. But you should come soon and I’ll introduce you to her.
I fear outside. I fear them. I need you. “I’ll read my books and I’ll drink coffee and I’ll listen to music, and I’ll bolt the door.” And I’ll wait for you.
But i’ll tell you all about it, when i see you again.