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The principle of Atomicity

“… forever to hold and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do us part..”

I don’t know about you, but i’m not feeling this cliche-d vows.

“I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home. “

“I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other.”

-from the movie, The Vow

Depth, humor and authentic. What else was on that list ladies?

“I promise to stop answering your question of ‘Where should we go eat?’ with the question of ‘I don’t know, where do you want to go eat?’

“I promise not to tell you the ending of a movie you  haven’t seen yet or the conclusion of a book that you’re currently reading.”

“I vow to always move your shoes out of the middle of the floor, no matter how many times a day your feet decide to leave them there.”

“I promise to always say no when you ask if i want fries, chicken or a cup of coffee, and go ahead to help myself to one too many almost all of yours.”

Honesty, was it?

Once upon a blue moon, marriage was my ultimate dream. In fact, at 16 i should have one more year left to fulfill that dream. It wasn’t just a dream back then, it was more like a detailed reverie we would always sink into from time to time. Funny how everything seemed so immaculately harmonized, from the orchestral music, to the dream wedding dress, bubble-machines, the lights. What less could you expect though, when we even learnt hindi from all the kuch-kuch-hota-hai’s, and Shah Rukh Khan’s and Amitabh? When the reason we had to learn how to cook was for a husband who would send us back home if he didn’t like our cooking?

Then 22 happened. And the new snapchat filters and lenses that are taking the phrase ‘being whatever you want to be’ to a whole new level. Now, i see everything not in the blue moonlight anymore, but in a hazy golden brown light. Sometimes luminous white, and marriage strokes a wave of indifference and nonchalance. It’s not what it once was, albeit fortunately. I have no concrete plan in place, in regards to the subject matter, and that makes me rather comfortable, at least for now. Because we’ve made out already that Hollywood is the monumental facade of the 21st century and the happily-ever-after we’ve been living for is just but a myth. And for someone who plays the cards of introversion, anxiety, and dangerously-extreme overthinking extra-ordinarily well, it just doesn’t add up, and it might take a while before anything does. Where does all these labyrinthine complexities lead to, you ask?

Saudagot married! I haven’t decided what exactly i feel about weddings. Sort of a love-hate relationship. But this one time round i walked behind the bride as i watched her dance walk her way into an eternal union with so much zeal and all the life she has seen and is yet to see and i couldn’t help but think how SCARILY BEAUTIFUL!


Sauda1.= 1. Cousin, childhood friend, sister from another mister.

2. A bundle of joy.



You know what’s scarier though, how do people know what they know and know for sure what they know is what is?

Who invented these white veils by the way? This thing weighs a fortune! Get it?

All these is too perfect to be real.

How will i even tell we have passed romantic infatuation and transcended into love? But, wait, isn’t infatuation the main cause of the chemistry? No?

Seriously guys, this dress is too heavy and that seat is too far away.

Wait, she’s getting married!

What does that even mean?


But all in all, i remain an ardent lover of all things romance and love, and a proud member of the Ryan Gosling’s Notebooks and Crazy Stupid Loves – sappy hopeless romantic wretchedness, if you like. In which the realist within spells out as impossible, the physicist (wannabe) theorizes, the weight of expectation thrust is directly related to the weight of disappointment expected to bounce back. 


So, for Saudat and Aslam,2


Aslam2 = 1. Arabic, originates from the word Salam, peace.

2. He who stole Sauda’s heart.

3. (old use) Commonly used in the phrase ‘Saudat & Aslam’.




I hand over to you, the principle of Atomicity, that holds, “In the database of thy union, every transaction be carried out in absolute perfection and completion. or NOT at all.”

For when you love, love with all your might. With all that today has got to give and with your every bone, nerve and cell that holds you together. Kindly and gently, and only with the violence of a child. For it is like a hidden firebug in the belly, let it do what it does best,  and just burn 🙂 And now your focus has been narrowed, so you can see the universe in entirety in the iris of your lover’s eyes, there’s just no room for half-baked business, you see? It’s either everything, or nothing at all.

She may become phoenixes of rising heights and ambitions, and when she does, follow her shadow and fly by her side. For you’ll be needing more than just two hands to keep the restless spirit in order. But who wants order anyway? And when the energy levels are depleted and she succumbs to the struggle follow her crazy, toast to the madness and drink it all in. You’ll probably regret it when reality strikes, but who are you both without commitment to the fall? Didn’t they tell you this was going to be one hell of a ride? They did, right? Did you think you would escape without a scrape or a bruise from the loosened screws?

All or nothing, meri pyaar

Most of all, pray. You can not love fully, without a touch of the divine in your love, allow Him to put the final seal as your souls begin to be woven together. Pray just as much as you have loved, or more, never less. This could not be so splendidly expressed, the way Kahlil Gibran.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.


That’s about it, love 🙂

May you always remain to be the coolness of each other’s eyes, 

and find a helping hand where yours may not reach, 

and love, may they love the parts of you that you have sheltered safely all along, 

and teach you all the new ways to love yourselves that you failed to find on you own, 

and as you build your love, 

may you find the One that brought your hearts together,

hold on tight to His rope, and never let Him go 🙂


I have been putting off writing and finally completing this. It must have been the hardest thing i have had to bring myself together, patch up words and gather the guts to hit publish.

But, all or nothing.

Till next time.


4 Responses
  • randomStranger
    April 24, 2016

    Quite a piece. Started off thinking “great…anothr I hate love I’ll be forever alone…” story, turns out you’re quite a believer yourself
    Left me with one question tho. I gathered you aren’t married but, have you found this love yourself yet?

    • Latifa Mbarak
      June 22, 2016

      Hey Stranger 🙂
      Maybe i have 🙂 But it hasn’t found me yet 🙂

  • Khadija Majid
    April 25, 2016

    This is amazing! Love it!

    • Latifa Mbarak
      June 22, 2016

      Thank you Dida!

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